Choose Your Circle, Choose Your Future
There’s a saying you’ve probably heard before: You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Whether we realize it or not, the people we allow into our inner circle influence our mindset, our habits, and ultimately, the quality of our lives.
That means your friends, your associates, the places you spend time, and even the conversations you engage in are shaping your future. And if you’re serious about becoming the best version of yourself, you have to start being intentional about each of those choices.
If your friends spend their days drinking, smoking weed, and avoiding responsibility, it’s only a matter of time before you start mirroring those same patterns. Not because you’re weak, but because environment matters. Influence matters. Energy matters. You can’t swim in muddy water and expect to come out clean.
And here’s the tricky part — when you start making changes, those same people will often try to keep you in place. They’ll use labels like “You’ve changed” or “You’re bougie now.” But let’s be honest — most of the time, they don’t even know what bougie means. They just know you’re no longer participating in the same habits, the same conversations, or the same limitations that kept you where you were.
It’s almost as if you’ve broken some unspoken rule: How dare you improve your life without their permission?
The “Permission” Myth
Here’s the truth — you don’t need anyone’s permission to grow.
You don’t need their approval to chase your goals.
You don’t need their blessing to live at a higher level.
Some people will act like your progress is a betrayal. But it’s not about betraying them — it’s about honoring yourself. You are not required to stay in situations, conversations, or friendships that pull you backward.
When you start elevating, the people who truly value you will celebrate your growth. They won’t try to keep you in place. They won’t shame you for becoming a better version of yourself. They’ll clap for you, encourage you, and, if they’re smart, they’ll even join you.
Why Some People Resist Your Growth
People resist your growth because it forces them to look at themselves.
Your improvement is a mirror — it shows them what’s possible, but it also shows them what they’ve chosen not to do. That can be uncomfortable.
So instead of saying, “Wow, you’re inspiring me to aim higher,” they might say, “You think you’re better than us now.” This is a defense mechanism. It’s easier for them to criticize you than to admit they could be doing more for themselves.
You can’t let that stop you.
Don’t Be Afraid to Let Go
If you want a better life, you must be willing to release the people who can’t or won’t grow with you. That doesn’t mean you hate them. It doesn’t mean you never speak to them again. It means you limit the amount of influence they have over your life.
You can still admire people from a distance. I have friends I respect deeply, and while I may not see them often, I make sure to stay in touch because they’ve contributed positively to my journey. But I’m also clear about who I allow into my daily environment — because my daily environment shapes my daily decisions, and my daily decisions shape my future.
The Power of the Right People
Weekly, I meet with a group of people who are serious about their goals. We talk about our wins and our “losses” — though we prefer to call them learning opportunities. Why? Because we don’t really lose. We either win or we learn.
That’s the beauty of surrounding yourself with growth-minded people:
They challenge you to push further.
They celebrate your victories without jealousy.
They help you see solutions instead of just problems.
They remind you that every setback is a setup for a comeback.
If you don’t have a circle like that yet, make finding one a priority. And here’s the key — choose people who are better than you in certain areas. If they’re ahead of you in discipline, business, fitness, or mindset, they can pull you upward.
Elevation Starts in Your Mind
Before your bank account grows… before your career expands… before your relationships improve… elevation begins in your mindset.
You can’t keep thinking the same way and expect different results. You can’t stay in the same conversations and expect your world to expand.
That’s why I encourage you to be intentional about where you spend your time. Go to places that restore your faith in what’s possible. Spend time with people who won’t let you stand still. Seek out conversations that make you think bigger, not smaller.
The “Bougie” Conversation
Let’s talk about that word for a minute — bougie.
Some people use it to imply that you’re being “too good” for the way things were. But what does it really mean? In reality, it’s often just code for “You’re making changes I’m not ready to make.”
If someone calls you bougie because you no longer want to waste your weekends doing the same unproductive things, wear that as a badge of honor. It means you’re choosing growth over comfort. It means you’re living with intention. It means you’re making decisions that align with your vision, not just your past.
Protecting Your Energy
Think of your energy as currency. Every conversation, every event, every person in your life is either making a deposit into your energy account or making a withdrawal.
Deposits are people and places that inspire you, motivate you, and push you to be better.
Withdrawals are people and places that drain you, distract you, and make you doubt yourself.
You can’t afford to stay overdrawn. That’s why it’s so important to pick your company wisely.
How to Upgrade Your Circle
If you’re ready to be intentional about your friendships, associates, and environments, here are a few steps you can take:
Audit Your Current Circle
Ask yourself: Are these people helping me grow? Do they celebrate my wins? Do they hold me accountable?Limit Time with Drainers
You don’t have to cut everyone off completely, but you can choose to limit your time and emotional investment with those who aren’t aligned with your goals.Seek Out Growth Environments
Join mastermind groups, attend workshops, volunteer for causes that inspire you. Be in rooms where you are challenged.Be the Friend You’re Looking For
Don’t just look for uplifting people — be one. The right people are drawn to positive, consistent energy.Invest in Mentors
Surround yourself with people who are ahead of you in some area of life. Learn from their journey.
Final Thoughts
Your life is too valuable to waste in environments that stunt your growth. Yes, it’s hard to believe, but you are the average of the people you spend the most time with. And that’s why you must be intentional about your friendships, your associates, your hangouts, and your daily conversations.
Don’t let labels like “You’ve changed” or “You’re bougie” hold you back. Those words are often just chains disguised as jokes. They’re meant to keep you comfortable, not successful.
You don’t need permission to elevate. You only need the courage to choose better — better people, better environments, better habits.
So go ahead:
Hang out in places that restore your faith in life.
Surround yourself with people who won’t let you stand still.
Associate with those who have something to teach you.
Because in the end, your circle is either your greatest asset or your greatest liability. Choose wisely. Your future depends on it.