Dating, Discernment, and the Value of Real Commitment

As an entrepreneur and someone who has worked in radio for many years, I have learned that great ideas often come from paying attention to real problems. In radio, we are constantly looking for ways to connect people, serve the community, and create promotions that are fun, relevant, and meaningful.

One idea I considered was a modern version of “The Dating Game.” With the popularity of shows like The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, Love Island, and Temptation Island, it seemed like a natural fit. People are clearly interested in love, dating, attraction, and connection. At the same time, I have heard many female listeners say the same thing over and over again: “Where are the single men?”

We have seen a version of this challenge with our steppers cruises. Some of our travel events do not have this issue because dating is not the focus. But when you have single women attending an event where dancing, socializing, and connection are part of the experience, many of them naturally want to know if single men will be there too.

That led us to adjust our advertising. Instead of marketing the same message to everyone, we started tailoring messages to different audiences. That helped. We began seeing more single men show interest in the cruises. We are still not at the number I would like, but we are moving in the right direction.

Then I started asking more questions.

When I mentioned the dating game idea to one of my assistant program directors, she was not excited about it. I asked her why, and she gave me a very honest answer. She said, “You would be surprised how many men who say they are single are not really single.” Another community leader told me the same thing. Their concern was simple: a dating promotion could create conflict if someone believed they were in a relationship with one of the participants.

That made me back off the idea.

Around the same time, a promoter in New Orleans wanted to do a singles mixer. I thought that was probably a safer concept than a dating game because it was more casual and less public. The event drew about 90 single women and only one single man. That was not just a disappointment. That was a real lesson.

So I started doing my own informal focus groups with men between the ages of 35 and 54. I asked them why they would not attend a singles mixer or speed dating event. Their answers were eye-opening.

One man told me he stopped attending singles events after a woman took his picture while they were talking and posted it online asking, “Do you know this guy?” Within hours, people were contacting him to warn him that he had been posted. He said many of the women commenting had never met him, but some still made negative claims. That experience made him feel exposed, judged, and publicly embarrassed.

Other men said they had attended singles events where they felt dismissed quickly based on height, clothing, income, or job status. Some felt the atmosphere was less about getting to know people and more about being evaluated like a product.

At the same time, I asked another candid question: even though you are single, do you have someone available casually in your life? Many said yes. That made me think back to what my coworker said. Maybe some people are technically single, but not emotionally, physically, or practically available.

To be fair, this does not only apply to men. Many women may also have someone in their messages, someone on standby, or someone they can call when they want attention. So the issue may not be that people are single. The issue may be that many people are not truly available, intentional, or ready.

National research supports the idea that dating has become more complicated. Pew Research Center found that 30% of U.S. adults say they have used a dating site or app, and about half of online daters have experienced at least one unwanted behavior, such as unwanted explicit messages, continued contact after rejection, offensive name-calling, or threats. Pew also reported that 42% of U.S. adults were unpartnered in 2023. The Census Bureau has also reported that married-couple households now make up less than half of U.S. households.

All of this reminds me how blessed I am to be married. I just celebrated nine years with my beautiful wife, and I cannot imagine being in the dating pool at this stage of life.

Marriage is not perfect, but real commitment has rewards. I am not only talking about financial rewards. I am talking about peace, stability, partnership, discipline, and spiritual blessings. When you love someone, stay committed, and remain true to that commitment, there are rewards that go far beyond what people see on the outside.