What Married at First Sight Teaches Us About Expectations

Give Potential a Chance: What Married at First Sight Teaches Us About Expectations

I rarely write about reality television, but today I am making an exception.

First, let me give you some background. Every Saturday, I spend the day with my wife. We run errands, shop for household supplies, enjoy lunch together, and usually visit a bookstore before returning home to work on our goals and major definite purpose.

While doing all of this, I normally wear a shirt and tie.

People often ask why I am dressed as though I am going to work on a Saturday. My answer is simple: I make an effort to look presentable for the people I work with Monday through Friday, so why would I not give my wife that same level of respect?

That brings me to Season 20 of Married at First Sight, which is taking place in Seattle. The show matches strangers based on their personalities, values, preferences, and relationship goals. They meet for the first time at the altar and must decide whether they can build a lasting marriage.

One of this season’s couples is Nikki, 46, and Shawn, 47. Both say they are established in their careers and ready for a mature, emotionally present relationship.

However, when Nikki saw Shawn at the altar, her facial expression appeared to suggest that she was immediately disappointed. That reaction produced considerable discussion online about Shawn’s appearance and presumed financial status.

Attractiveness is subjective, so I am not going to spend much time discussing whether Shawn is physically attractive. I am more interested in the financial expectations surrounding their match.

Nikki reportedly wanted someone earning approximately $200,000 per year. There is nothing wrong with wanting a financially stable partner. Money affects housing, retirement, travel, family responsibilities, and everyday peace of mind. However, we should understand how much a $200,000 requirement narrows the dating pool.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, King County’s median household income was approximately $124,746 during 2020 through 2024. That is household income, which can include the earnings of more than one person. A single individual earning $200,000 is therefore making considerably more than the typical household in one of America’s more prosperous counties.

Reliable public data does not tell us exactly how many Black men in King County earn $200,000, are over 35, are unmarried, are emotionally available, desire marriage, and would be mutually attracted to a particular woman. “Available” is not an official Census category.

What the data does tell us is that a Black man individually earning at least $200,000 represents a relatively uncommon level of financial success. Once you add requirements involving age, relationship status, physical attraction, emotional maturity, compatibility, location, and mutual interest, the realistic dating pool becomes much smaller.

That does not mean finding such a man is impossible. It means the competition for that particular type of man will be significant.

We sometimes focus so heavily on finding someone who has already achieved success that we overlook someone’s character, discipline, integrity, kindness, vision, and potential.

I know several men who were not earning extraordinary incomes when they began their relationships. They partnered with women who were peaceful, supportive, encouraging, and willing to build with them. Those men eventually earned far more than they had imagined because they had the right person beside them.

I am not a dating expert, but I believe people should consider finding someone with potential and helping that person develop it. Do not automatically dismiss someone simply because they have not reached their financial destination yet.

Keep your standards, but keep your options open. You may find someone who has already arrived. You may also discover someone with tremendous character and potential who simply needs the right partner to help build an extraordinary life.

And yes, perhaps you should occasionally give the unexpected person a chance.